at home with ann


Posted on: 29 September 2006

The Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur is the climax of the 10 day period of repentance that begins with Rosh Hashanah, the Day of Judgement. These 10 days of reflection and inspiration bring us to the eternal message that it is possible for man to improve his character. They speak to us about our ethical conscience and moral responsibility, about self-examination and spiritual regeneration.

We are repeatedly reminded that Yom Kippur brings pardon for sins between man and G-d. It cannot bring forgiveness, as long as no attempt has been made, to repair the hurt inflicted upon one’s fellow man. The wrongdoer must first win pardon from the person wronged. Therefore it is the custom to mend quarrels and beg forgiveness of one another for any wrong committed, intentionally or otherwise. This custom is particularly observed on the eve of the festival.

As I have written before in a previous post, if I have offended or upset anybody please accept my heartfelt apology; please find it in your heart to forgive me.

This is also a very sad time for me… it is the first anniversary, the Yahrzeit of the death of my father, of blessed memory. Jewish tradition assigns the day of death, and not the birthday, for remembrancee because the life of a person can best be evaluated at the end of his journey on earth.

It is our custom, minhag, it is not a law, that we light a candle on the eve of the day and it remains burning for 25 hours, that is until sunset the next day. Judaism sees the similarity between a candle’s flame and a soul. The connection between flames and souls derives from the Book of Proverbs 20:27 “The soul of man is the light of G-d “ Just as a flame is never still, the soul also continuously strives to reach up to G-d. Thus, the flickering flame of the Yahrzeit candle helps to remind us of the departed soul of our loved one.

A year has passed, but I put my hand on my heart and say I don’t think I have started grieving yet. Maybe because I am caught up in a whirl of activity with my now widowed mother, my adult children and their enormous adult problems, or maybe because I am still grieving the death of my marriage.

However, there is joy amongst the sorrow and with the bitter there is the sweet. The greatest legacy is children and their sweet innocence…. the latest Raven Production couldn’t be downloaded, so please click here to see what Bridgitte has put together… I know I’m biaised, I am the devoted booba who basks in the glory of her little Israeli grandchildren.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend and to those of my faith Shabbat Shalom and I wish you well over the Fast.


20 Responses to "FORGIVENESS"

hey ann,

first, i have to thank you for explaining so many things of the jewish culture so vividly. it’s really interesting for me and i always read that stuff with great pleasure.

then, i think i can kinda relate to your feelings about your father’s death. it’s been over 3 years now since my father died and i’m still waiting for the big bang when i’ll just break down. i think i haven’t really grieved about that either since then, i always try to just swallow it. but i guess there will be a time for you when you can grieve in peace and hopefully it’s a little easier to live with it afterwards.

and third: vincent is in front with 82 percent now. keep on voting šŸ™‚

Dearest Ann – Thank you so much for sharing in such a heart-felt way with us your love of your faith. I have learned much from you and greatly appreciate your willingness to open about your beliefs. I have nothing to forgive you for, but much to thank you for – so consider this my thanks.
My thoughts are with you as you grieve again the loss of your father. That grief will continue. Christians also light candles as we remember our dead – for exactly the same reason. My prayer for you today is that your heart be easy and you feel the joy of a new beginning.
Much love (and respect!)
P.S. You know where my heart lies in the poll!

Ann, this post really hit home with me. (((Ann)))…when words fail, hugs are usually the next best option (for me). Thanks.
Boaz and Moriah are wonderful in their ‘little production’. I loved it!! Watching those two makes me feel sorta like a long distance adopted third string grandma…they are so beautiful.

Beloved Ann,

I echo the thoughts of my fellow commenters in saying a big THANK YOU for sharing your faith and its tenents with us. It is always fascinating and inspiring to hear about and I enjoy these posts enormously.

Bless your beautiful babies – they are such a joy to see and hear from. Although, I think they are making my Mother even more anxious for her own grankids! šŸ˜€

I hold you close in my heart dear friend…

I should be saying thank you to you… I am so happy to have made so many wonderful cyberspace friends…

… now putting that link has been a dreadful distraction. I have an L-shaped kitchen and the end of one part is a little office area and… yes, that’s where my computer is so…

… iron one shirt… vote
… eat… vote
… peel a potato… vote
… unload the dishwasher… vote
… chop vegetables… vote
… iron jeans… vote
… eat more… vote
… sweep floor… vote
… vote… vote

oh dear… vincent, you had better darn win because when my daughter comes home from work and asks me what you have done all day… hmmmmmm

Hi Ann

I think we all recognise that pain that you’re experiencing. Grieving has no hard and fast rules. I cried more when my father was dying ( his last 6 weeks) than I ever have after his death

However the loss remains – we have all referred to that.
Ever time I light a candle , for whatever reason, I always think of those I’ve lost

Have a good weekend Ann – thank you for sharing this with us

ps: I certainly did vote for Vincent. He’s miles ahead of everyone else; as he should be!

That was a beautiful post about Yom Kippur. I always light my Yahrzeit candles on Yom Kippur. My Dad died over 20 years ago and unfortunately my brother died prematurely at the age of 57 three years ago. I made my peace with my father well after his death and came to terms with the dynamics of our relationship long after he was gone. My brother was my father figure and I still find it difficult to not feel the tears coming when I think of him. I don’t know if those feelings will ever become easier to manage but I can cope with them as ultimately they remind me of how deeply I love him.
Your grand kindelach are too cute – and it is so nice to hear someone besides my Mom be called Bobba. Most Bobba’s are Grandmas or Nanas or something, but Bobba is not the common anymore.
I wish you and yours a meaningful fast Ann – and of course Shabbat Shalom. xox

dawn, I wish I was called booba… that’s the name I love, but they think it’s old fashioned and should be left in the shtetls of Russia. They call me grandma, not even safta, even though they live in Israel.

Thank you for sharing about your father and brother… he was sadly taken far too soon.

Shabbat Shalom and a good and meaningful fast too.

lotsa luv ann xxxx

Beautiful babies! Great-grandpa is surely smiling …

Ann, aka Booba – I, too, enjoy your explanations of your faith and culture!! Thank you for sharing them, your gorgeous grandkids and fanfic with us.

You never truly get over the death of someone you love dearly. My beloved dad’s been gone just over 3 years and I dissolve into tears if I hear certain songs (he loved to sing, he had a great voice and was always singing). I say to you, and to Tamara, don’t fight it when it comes. You have to grieve; it’s not healthy not to. Sometimes the smallest little thing will set me off.

This past summer I made a remembrance book about my dad w/ pics of he and I from when I was a baby to the last time I saw him alive. He was a fantastic father and I miss him so. It was a wonderful project, and felt so good to do. Maybe you can do something like that to help you get in touch w/ your grief and work through it.

A lot of people have those “what would jesus do?” bracelets and stickers…but I live by “what would dad do” and the other night my husband said to me “you’re just like your father, always taking the high road” and it was the best compliment I ever got.

I love to hear about your Judaism ann:)

Have an easy fast. saw your post on Dawn’s blog. In South Africa it is customary to wish someone Long Life when they have Yartzheid, I know that is not the case in the States but seeing as it is almost Erev Yom Kippur I thought I would wish you Long Life and an easy fast.

Oh my goodness. Bridget is a genius and that was so much fun to watch. Boaz has always been a star in my eyes and now his sister is a wonderful co-star. Please tell her I thought it was wonderful. Just wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. Jill

thank you to everyone who has visited and commented here… your good wishes and kind thoughts mean so much to me… thank you again

lotsa luv ann xxxxx

Hi Ann
That give and take between sadness and feeling blessed, it is sometimes hard to navigate. Thank you for the lesson about Judaism. I have a friend that I work with who is jewish and recently lost her 19 year old son to cancer. However, she must go on for her other children. Some days she looks like a train wreck, other days I marvel at how well she’s doing. Life can be so hard sometimes, I’m thankful for cyberfriends like you…

HI Ann,
As our Yom Kippur hour approaches, I wanted to say hello to you and tell you that you are in my thoughts today.
Not to trivialize anything, I also forgot to mention in my last commented, that I had cast my vote for Vince – anyone worthy of being considered worthy of being a simcha partner gets my vote.
May this year bring you only goodness and blessings. xoxo

Ann, it’s impossible to imagine you could do anything to upset or offend anyone. You are the sweetest soul.
My sympathies and prayers are with you for the anniversary of your father’s passing.

Hi Ann – popped by to say hello and see how you are doing. Hope all is well. xox

Thanks for your recent visit Ann. Always looking forward to your next post.

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the loves of my life

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from long ago

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September 2006
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