at home with ann


Posted on: 29 October 2006

Okay boys and girls and fellow vdo vixens and loci lovers… there has been something preying on my mind for a while. After watching this evening’s epi “Dr Dwyer likes a strong daddy” just now, it made me wonder what the hell would a detective, or more particularly Detective Bobby Goren find should he get a search warrant for my place….. oy vey!

(Poetic licence has been exercised so please don’t believe every word)

Have you noticed that when the Detectives go through “whoever’s” paperwork, it is all so neat and tidy and to hand? Their photographs in albums, not thrown in a picnic hamper. Everything in its proper place… yeah, just like mine… not! Clothes hanging neatly… my goodness I’ve got so many clothes, maybe the Detective will find a brown top I’ve mislaid these past two months. Laundry day comprises of three towels. What???

Now I pride myself at work, I am good, but then I’m paid to be good.

BUT at home, forget it. My paperwork is all over the place…. I haven’t done filing in months and some things I haven’t looked at this year and I don’t even open my post. If Goren wants to tidy up for me, I’d love it.

No doubt he’ll want to check my accounts. He’d have to go on line and I couldn’t tell him my IB number, I just do it by touch. So while he’s sitting at my computer I would have to lean over him, right over him to tinkle the keys. “Detective let me do that.” Oh dear I almost ended up on his lap.

Uh oh, he’s found something else on the computer and it’s not my shopping list. The raised eyebrow and the puzzled look as he reads my emails. “Who’s ????? and you do what online?” and he’s found my Amazon wishlist. I redden. Now he’s going through my history and I’m squirming as he goggles at my googles. Wait, he’s found my blogs and as I step away he’s touching my hand (swoon) to bring me back to his side.

“What is this?” I wriggle as he reads the stories I don’t post!

“What is that?” I wriggle some more as he reads the poems I don’t post!

He asks what I did last week… I don’t remember what I did half-an-hour ago. Well I do, but I’m not telling him, although he’s sniffing and leaning very close to me.

Then, in his inimitable way he has moved to my book and cd and dvd collections? He slowly pulls one then another off the shelf. He looks at the well leafed pages and I breathe a sigh of relief that not all my literature is here.

“Who’s Vincent D’Onofrio?” he asks. “He’s, he’s a person of interest,” I splutter. Another strange glance my way as he picks up Naked Tango and Tales of Erotica II and sees a pile of the man’s photos. I hasten to add there is still not a signed one.. sniff… sniff!!!

I am wondering what profile he’s forming of me. He investigates my drinks cabinet and I offer him a Grey Goose.

Then he gets to my bedroom and bathroom…. hmmm. He’s found something. He gives me the look. He’s rummaging through my drawers…. ooooh! He lifts up a pair of little black lace panties with pink ribbons between his long long fingers in his left hand and the matching plunge bra with the right hand and hiding beneath… Entertaining Mr Stone and others of that genre. He’s found my alternative bedtime reading.

He’s looking raptly in there too… I am shifting uncomfortably as he reads out loud my favourite chapter, the one with the well worn pages and gives me a knowing look.

Now he’s wondering about the collection of spare batteries he’s found in my shoe closet and finds where they would fig… sorry fit, when he looks in my hat boxes and he’s come across a matching pair of handcuffs… just like his and a toy gun. Another funny look!

I leave him sniffing around the bathroom, when he tilts his head round the door and casually says, “Do you like chocolate?” I answer in the affirmative and he holds out a jar of chocolate body paint and waves two paintbrushes beneath my nose.

I watch him wince as he applies a dab of lotion to his wrist… he should’ve asked first.

Detective Goren,” I nervously ask, “Have you found what you’re looking for?” He gives me an irritated look that clearly indicates he’s found plenty that he wasn’t looking for but not the one thing he is looking for. “If you tell me what you are looking for, maybe I could help.”

He pulls out the warrant again and points to an item clearly marked and tells me to just hand it to him before they really turn the place over. I study the warrant. I start to laugh.

“Detective Goren,” I chuckle, “I would if I could, but I can’t.”

He pulls out his cuffs, waves them before my nose, and tells me I’m not making this easy for myself. I am giggling. He isn’t. My chance to spend time with Goren in his interrogation room, my absolute dream but…. I have to tell the truth.

“Detective Goren, why don’t you try the people next door.”

He cannot apologise enough and asks what he can do…. I hand him my copy of EMS.


19 Responses to "SEARCH WARRANT"

Thank you sooo much 🙂 hmmmmm…
the interogation room…the table…
oh yeah! LOL Thanks for making my Saturday night, sweetie!

Ann you are a Treasure!!

I shutter to think what Detective Goren would find if he searched my house….”What, it vibrates and glows in the dark…..I swear I have no idea where that came from”

Lol Ann you really are the kewlest! I love this part! When are you gonna write about your and Goren’s kids? hehe

Excellent Ann! Love it! Though, you got me on two things,
‘… as he reads the stories I don’t post!’
‘… as he reads the poems I don’t post!’

Do tell!!!

riccie: you’re welcome

tess: do you keep yours in a hatbox too?

gorensladylove: mr & mrsbg haven’t been blessed… mrsbg has covered the subject as she lost a baby. They think’she who must not be named’ poisoned her

liz: and your point… LOL


There once was a Lady from London
her confessions made us stunned
for she liked to be naughty
pretended to be haughty
deep inside didn’t give a fig.

Not the best Ann, but you get the point. LOL That second job btw is all yours and the fringe benefits won’t leave you cold and instead will bring a pink blush to your cheeks. 🙂

Here in the States we turned the clocks back an hour, so we are now 6 hours behind. 😦

Can you imagine what Detective Goren’s profile of me would be like, based on a reading of Entertaining Mr Stone? LOL!

p.s. you have a fantastic writing talent, Ann. You really ought to start writing for publication. If *I* can get my Goren/VDO fantasies into print, you could too!

Hehe, I love it! Alas, I am a close cousin of Dr Dwyer, in that I’m a neat freak (I prefer Bobby’s description of ‘orderly’), altho’ if Vincent wishes to dominate me totally, I’m ready whenever he is!!!

Really wonderful Ann. Loved it! 🙂

Ann! What a great vignette!! Thanks for the grins! XOXOX

PS: Like Wendy said, you really should get yourself published.

Aren’t you the cheekey one? Very good indeed. By the way, are my tax returns of 2004 in with your papers by any chance? Let me know if they turn up. Great post – you’re a good writer Ann.

oh my goodness I am overwhelmed by all your comments… thank you my dear friends.

lotsa luv ann xxxxxxx

Once again someone has a spy camera in my house! There are rooms I cannot easily get into. Yet I have to have the bathroom towels aligned just so and other silly little obsessive-compulsive touches like that!

Oh Ann – You are TOO funny! I am afraid that only the thought of BG executing a search warrant would inspire me to do something about my house! He’d walk in the door, take one look at the mess and walk out with that distainful look on his face (but then he doesn’t live with children and a stupid dog)! And should the search happen, sadly, the most interesting thing he would find is my long out of use lingerie and a vast number of shoes – way above the legal limit.
Question: does it come with the hat box or do you have to buy that separately? Must ask Grace . . .

Bwahahahaha. Poor Bobby. I think he needs to sit down and have a nice cup of tea after all that.

And, yes, he wouldn’t find anything in our place either. Apart from the masses of weaponry and the handcuffs (all the bf’s, I hasten to add).

*runs out the house to purchase a detective-proof lock for the “dirty drawer”*

What interesting tidbits would we find if we searched Goren’s place? Hmmm…. A little B&E perhaps? We’d leave no trace evidence of course as his files were ransacked. Maybe a sweet love note accidently left behind…

hi diane, i have a cousin who lives in your country. she loves lo:ci too. you did mention that a friend gave you a link or something to watch the new episodes. do you think you can share the link with my cousin, too?

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the loves of my life

at the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet ~~~ plato

thank you…

... to everyone whose pictures and videos I have borrowed; if anyone would like theirs to be removed, please tell me and I shall be happy to do so

all words here are mine ~ I’ll tell you when they’re not!

from long ago

in case I forget what day of the week it is

October 2006
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