BOBO & MOMO
Posted 10 November 2006on:
Where does the week go? I can’t believe it’s Friday again, already…. so soon!
Well I have decided to turn a new leaf. You may recall the 7lbs I gained that I thought I would lose if our dearest Vincent D’Onofrio chose to become my *simcha buddy* … vacancy still vacant … well I didn’t lose it and the last month or so I have been on a sugar fix and having little drinkiepoos and gained yet another 10lbs. Truth be known I am underheight for my weight especially as I am only 5’0″ ~ so I am short, fat and ****
Lately my friends say, “You look well.” Huh, a euphemism for “You’ve put on weight.” Some actually say it to my face and then proceed to add, “We thought you were looking too gaunt.” BUT my bloody clothes don’t fit and I had to succumb and buy the next size in jeans… bad move! On the other hand, the wrinkles are filled out.
The engagement party is in four weeks and I am limiting myself to one square of good dark chocolate a day… can’t give up totally and I shall be T-Total… not that I’m a lush you understand… it only takes one.
Also while I’m trying to be good, am going to make an effort to take my medication every day (don’t ask ~ nothing that will get me in the end ~ unless I don’t take it… hmm) and try to wean myself off the old caffeine… who knows if not a butterfly, maybe at least a moth will emerge from this nicely rounded pupa of a body.
So on that note a few fat jokes to keep me on the straight and, hopefully, narrow.
She’s got a million dollar figure ~ unfortunately it’s all in loose change
The best way to lose weight is to stuff your face while standing naked in front of a mirror ~ the restaurant will sling you out before you can swallow one bite
They say that travel broadens one ~ you must have been around the world
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live for ever
A woman sits opposite a man on a bus and can’t resist commenting… “If that stomach was on a woman I’d think she was pregnant.” The fat man replies, “It was, she is!”
A balanced diet is chocolate in each hand (if only)
She’s a light eater ~ when it gets light she starts eating
Warning ~ this one’s rude. An obese woman goes to a doctor to be put on a drastic weight loss programme. The doctor tells her she can eat anything she likes but the food must be inserted up her a***. The woman agrees and four weeks later comes back for a check up. The doctor is very pleased with her progress but is concerned that her hips keep twitching constantly. “When did the hip twitching start?” asks the doctor.” I’m not twitching,” replies the woman, “I’m chewing gum.”
L-rd, if you can’t make me skinny, please make all my friends fat (my ab fab fav)
Wishing you all a lovely weekend and Shabbat Shalom… and no, I do not diet on Friday night!