at home with ann

OY VEY

Posted on: 16 January 2007


Sadie and Yetta, two widows, are talking:

.

Sadie: “That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before an answer I give him.”

.

Yetta: “Vell…. I’ll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like a clock. And like such a mensch he is dressed. Fine suit, vonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die from. Den he takes me downstairs and what’s there but such a beautiful car you should never know…. a limousine even, uniformed chauffeur and all. Den he takes me out for a dinner….marvellous dinner. Kosher even. Den ve go see a show… let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it so much I could just plotz! So den ve are coming back to my apartment and into an ANIMAL he turns…… so completely crazy that he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me!”

.

Sadie: “Oy vey… so you are telling me I shouldn’t go out with him den?”

.

Yetta: “No… I’m just saying that if you go, wear a shmatta.”

.

~~~~~oOo~~~~~

A woman goes to her rabbi with a serious problem. Her two female parrots have picked up a bad habit. Any time she has visitors, the two parrots embarrass her by saying, in unison, “Hi! We’re hookers. Want to have some fun?”

To her surprise, the rabbi breaks into a smile, explaining that he has two male parrots which he has trained to pray and who’ve become very observant, spending much of the day davening in their cage. He’s confident that if the woman brings her two parrots over to his house, his two parrots will exert such a positive influence that her birds will turn into model parrots.

The next day the woman drives over to the rabbi’s house and brings her two parrots into his home. As she looks around, she notices a large cage with two parrots, each wearing a little kippah and tiny tallis and each holding a miniature prayer book while they rock back and forth in prayer. Sure enough, as soon as she places her parrots in the cage, they shout out to their male counterparts:

“Hi! We’re hookers. Want to have some fun?”

One of the rabbi’s parrots immediately turns to the other, squawking: “Moishe, put the f***ing book down. Our prayers have been answered!”

.

~~~~~oOo~~~~~

.

Just a couple of Jewish funnies… hopefully normal service will resume shortly. In the meantime a little something posted here and here and I’m going to try and visit you all tonight. I’ve missed you all, but sometimes something called real life and work gets in the way of the fun….

Advertisements

21 Responses to "OY VEY"

Oh, Ann. Love ’em! Just what I needed

LMAO Ann. Thank you so much, you could do this every day. The world needs more humour.

I have a feeling you’re a blast at parties Ann!! Thanks for the laugh!

Welcome Back πŸ™‚

Great jokes! I totally cracked up, once I looked up one of the Yiddish words (shmatta).

Glad you’re back!!

Love, JoJo

I LOVED the picture Ann.Sure have missed your posting…now if we can get Axe back we will have all the blog ducks in a row (for me at least).

These are great! LMAO and will share will my Jewish sistah.
Thanks. Hope you are well.

Haa!!! This was cute! Gotta watch out for those kosher men! πŸ˜‰

Very good Ann!
Loved the jokes!
My sweet hubby will like them too!
So glad you are back!
Missed you!

Margie
xxxxx

Ann, they were classic! So funny.
πŸ˜€

Ann, sorry about your loss and glad to see you back in fine form. The jokes are classics. Scissors will love them.

((((Ann)))

LOL. I love you sistah and the jokes are so you. I am so glad that your autobiography is coming along so well.

Love you

Rose

Real life and work – yes, the two great bummers in the realm of those who love fun, games – and Vincent!

Hey sweetie- good to have you back- you’ve been in my thoughts and prayers. Loved the jokes- (esp. the “drop the f***ing book”…!!!!) laughter is indeed a great medicine. Take care- Alex

OLO!! Oh, Ann! LMAO!!! Tears, tears running down my face! Hahahahaha! D πŸ™‚

πŸ˜€ Funny! I’ve seen the second one before, but laughed just as hard reading it again!!

The first one was great, like Jojo said, once I found out what a Shmatta is!! Just what I needed!

Hope all’s well with you. I suspect, from your break, and from some of the comments here, you have had a loss – sorry to hear this.

Big hug!

Ann, I printed out your jokes and showed them to my Jewish friend. She translated yiddish terms for me. She said that in Cali it has become a lost language, but she’s from the east coast and was raised with it.
btw- She said to tell you thanks for making her laugh out loud today.
And trust me when I say- she really needs a good laugh once in a while to lighten her spirits. She lost her son last summer to cancer- he was only 19.

(((Ann)))
Thinking about you, sweetie, and praying for you.

And I’m too quick to hit the ‘enter’ key. Loved the jokes πŸ™‚

hey ann! those were great!

and i agree with bryde- we need axe back!

hey ann! those were great!

and i agree with bryde- we need axe back!

ROFL!!! “…if you go, wear a shmatta…”! πŸ˜‰

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

the loves of my life

at the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet ~~~ plato

thank you…

... to everyone whose pictures and videos I have borrowed; if anyone would like theirs to be removed, please tell me and I shall be happy to do so

all words here are mine ~ I’ll tell you when they’re not!

from long ago

in case I forget what day of the week it is

January 2007
S M T W T F S
« Dec   Feb »
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031  
%d bloggers like this: