OY VEY

Posted by: ann on: 16 January 2007

• In: thoughts
• 21 Comments

Sadie and Yetta, two widows, are talking:

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Sadie: “That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before an answer I give him.”

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Yetta: “Vell…. I’ll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like a clock. And like such a mensch he is dressed. Fine suit, vonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die from. Den he takes me downstairs and what’s there but such a beautiful car you should never know…. a limousine even, uniformed chauffeur and all. Den he takes me out for a dinner….marvellous dinner. Kosher even. Den ve go see a show… let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it so much I could just plotz! So den ve are coming back to my apartment and into an ANIMAL he turns…… so completely crazy that he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me!”

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Sadie: “Oy vey… so you are telling me I shouldn’t go out with him den?”

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Yetta: “No… I’m just saying that if you go, wear a shmatta.”

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~~~~~oOo~~~~~

A woman goes to her rabbi with a serious problem. Her two female parrots have picked up a bad habit. Any time she has visitors, the two parrots embarrass her by saying, in unison, “Hi! We’re hookers. Want to have some fun?”

To her surprise, the rabbi breaks into a smile, explaining that he has two male parrots which he has trained to pray and who’ve become very observant, spending much of the day davening in their cage. He’s confident that if the woman brings her two parrots over to his house, his two parrots will exert such a positive influence that her birds will turn into model parrots.

The next day the woman drives over to the rabbi’s house and brings her two parrots into his home. As she looks around, she notices a large cage with two parrots, each wearing a little kippah and tiny tallis and each holding a miniature prayer book while they rock back and forth in prayer. Sure enough, as soon as she places her parrots in the cage, they shout out to their male counterparts:

“Hi! We’re hookers. Want to have some fun?”

One of the rabbi’s parrots immediately turns to the other, squawking: “Moishe, put the f***ing book down. Our prayers have been answered!”

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~~~~~oOo~~~~~

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Just a couple of Jewish funnies… hopefully normal service will resume shortly. In the meantime a little something posted here and here and I’m going to try and visit you all tonight. I’ve missed you all, but sometimes something called real life and work gets in the way of the fun….

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