GOOD MORNING CAMPERS: MAMA’S HAVING A MOAN
Posted on: 16 April 2007
- In: thoughts
- 24 Comments
Mama doesn’ feel well, so one has to prioritise… first things first. What will cheer mama up this bright morning? Vincent sprawled out with a come hither look. That’s better. Now I know for a fact that a certain friend of mine, not a million miles away, okay about 200 miles away, lurvs this picture. Does your floor look like this? Oh please…
Said dear friend, thanks Jan, sent me this, which was sent to her by a man who got it from another man… of course. I can’t believe they had the nerve to send it to a woman… well a lady actually. Can you read the smaller print? I won’t copy the larger print; I’m sure everyone can see that.
How Do You Become Best Mates With His Mistress
Beer File: Men Who Drink More Are Better In Bed
Karin’s Story: The Fewer Shoes I Buy, The Better I Feel
Sport: All About The Offside Rule
Win Parking Lessons
Porn Voucher: Surprise Him With A Free DVD. Look Inside
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I am feeling a little sorry for myself… my back’s being naughty, so I’m dosing myself up before I can leave the house. Well managed to get out last night only to return to an army of ants coming in from the patio into the living room and then marching through my kitchen. I transformed it into a winter wonderland of white and this morning I’m greeted by an ants’ graveyard… yuck! Anyone got any better tips on how to get rid of them.
Still one thing that turned out well. I lost my mobile (cell). The way to find it is to call it. I could hear it getting louder and louder as I dug deeper and deeper into a black garbage sack… another yuck… double yuck!
On top of everything, I have woken up with a streaming cold and I sound like a Disney cartoon character. All weekend I was sneezing… not a nice ladylike delicate sneeze, oh no, those sneezes that could move mountains, that shake the foundations of this house and actually make me fall off my seat. Everyone, such a loada know-it-alls, tells me to get … whatever … because I have hayfever. I have never had hayfever in my life. I have a common and garden bleary eyed runny nosed cold… aitchooo. Be right back.
Okay, just had to disinfect the monitor.
I am going to brave the elements; actually it’s a beautiful day here, and go for a long walk in the hope the exercise will loosen my joints and the air will clear my nose, after scrubbing this yucky floor.
Oh and did I say somewhere I would be delegating the job of the invitation list spreadsheet… silly me! Well I’ve done as much as I can, over one hundred names and addresses, it’s down to the other side to move their… move themselves.
Unfortunately another reason I feel sorry for myself is that because (this is my excuse and I’m sticking to it) of feeding an army… okay, my family, but it could just as easily have been an army, I ended up joining them for meals. I don’t do breakfast, but somehow I found myself eating matzah, butter and jam at each sitting. Lunchtime was another spread and of course we all sat down to a big evening meal.
I am fat. I am a bloated beached whale. I have not bought an outfit for the wedding which is in three months. Grrrrrr… Desperate times need desperate measures. Any tips on how to shed ??lbs in two weeks. Yes, double figures! I could cry. I am ashamed of myself. My thighs have taken on a life of their own, wibble wobble and women of my age cannot go around looking pregnant. My bottom is now padded… that’s fine, because it used to be tiny, but when the weight goes, that will go first, not my D cups.
My friend’s husband let slip last night that she was going to be in hospital next week and she hadn’t told us. I couldn’t believe it. I said you really are gonna have a nip and tuck and liposuction. After everyone spurted their wine all over the place, seems it’s a little minor foot surgery. Guess I was thinking about my needs… should I?
I am bad bad bad. I should have said “no” when I was invited out to dinner last night by these friends to a particularly lovely restaurant out in the countryside… and believe me it is v-e-r-y nice. The car park hosted some amazing cars… Bentleys, Aston Martins… lucky I wasn’t driving my 6 year old Focus… soon to be changed, but that’s another story!
Okay, guess I should move my lazy now fat butt and waddle out of here.
Have a good day… have a good week
Oh, one final thing and then I really will shut up. I don’t like to think I’m a blogging slut, promoting my wares. If anyone who passes by likes good poetry, there are many blogs I can recommend. However, if you like bad poetry, I was in scribbling mode over the weekend, so you may want to pop over here… or not!
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NEW INTERNET DIET
‘It’s the hottest new diet!
You attach this special modem to your stomach
and upload your fat to a skinny person on the net!
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…
24 Responses to "GOOD MORNING CAMPERS: MAMA’S HAVING A MOAN"
2 | vpdzoo
16 April 2007 at 12:00
I popped over to see your scribbling first and they were GREAT! I wish my computer could download my fat, I would share it with any skinny person:) If you find a way to better rid yourself of the ants share okay! Feel better:)
3 | Queenie
16 April 2007 at 15:46
I usually get ants,from Easter onwards. Touch wood they haven’t reappeared, since we put this stuff down that you have to let them crawl all over, Yuck! Trouble is Ann I can’t remember what its called. Will make a point of looking out for it, when I’m taken shopping. Hope your hay fever, no sorry ‘cold ‘gets better soon.
4 | Brian
16 April 2007 at 16:44
(((Ann)))
I have lots of suggestions. 😉
Hope you are having a good Monday.
5 | ann
16 April 2007 at 17:25
deb: I started using it straightaway LOL
vpdzoo: thanks about the scribbling. I know just the skinny person I would love to load my fat onto
queenie: oh yes please; do let me know what it is.
(((Brian))) yeah well I know your suggestions ;>) you win… you can be the lucky recipient of my lard
6 | Diane
16 April 2007 at 18:01
Just stare at that picture of Vincent Ann, and the world seems a whole lot brighter ;0)
I have now reached an age where I seem to be spreading out in all directions without even trying to. I have even accquired cleavage!!! I’d like to try ‘working out’ with Vincent to see if it helps me lose a few pounds. Ah, if only…..!!!!
7 | jan
16 April 2007 at 18:07
Thanks for that!
Actually it wasn’t sent to me – ( male) cousin knows I have a nasty knee-jerk reaction!
Was sent to the SO- it accidently appeared to be open and I just- er – glanced at it !!
Do love the picture- have the floor but not the large object reclining ( so suggestively) on it
I need to get shoes( don’t need to lose weight to buy them) for a Graduation do – know where I can get Jimmy Choos, Ann??!!
8 | ann
16 April 2007 at 18:12
oooooh Jan, sounds like another trip to London is called for… they were rather lovely. At least you got the floorboards just waiting for vincent to make a trip up north
diane: that picture certainly made me feel a lot better, shame I was sneezing all over it. A work out with Vincent… yes, yes, yes.
9 | Bryde
16 April 2007 at 18:24
Sorry about the ants Ann!We got a swarm of those tiny black ones last year.I made a trip to the feed store for a product my family used.I forget the name but it is some poison laced with sucrose and it works in a flash!
I need that new diet….maybe they have a cable modem version now,so it will work faster!
I hope you feel better soon!
10 | val
16 April 2007 at 19:21
OK, lard-arse, simple solution, don’t eat. It’s one I’ve used repeatedly (at least 10 times a day for 5 minutes at a time) and I canguarantee it will not affect your health. Or your weight.
You could try hypnotherapy. Cheaper than cosmetic surgery but not as quick.
11 | Rebecca
16 April 2007 at 22:09
I am coming over via pinky’s via Brians blog.
Girl, You are going to HAVE to SHARE Mr. Vincent with me….
ACtually, I’d like a threesome with Vincent and Chris Noth. Can you arrange that for me?
Yes, I can dream.
12 | Keshi
17 April 2007 at 01:51
Ann hun hows it goin?
Tell me abt losing my mobile fone at home…I ring to find it and even then I cant find it cos sometimes its in Silent mode LOL!
Keshi.
13 | JoJo
17 April 2007 at 04:17
Ann! I hope you feel better and fast. It’s not surprising that you got sick considering you’ve been on the go-go-go. As for the poundage, join the club, my friend. After eating my weight in red licorice for the past 2 weeks, I’m paying for it in spades now. So it’s back to the gym and back to brown rice & veggies as hubby wolfs down a meatball sandwich. Sigh. What we chix do to stay hot. I’ve heard that the best diet it is to sit naked in front of a mirror whilst eating. lol
That magazine cannot possibly be real though!
14 | Jane Poe (aka Deborah)
17 April 2007 at 06:22
Oh dear Ann!!
You dear girl – hayfever is a bitch! So sorry to hear that you are battling the nasty allergies. As for losing weight … if you find any miracle cures, please pass on! xx, JP
15 | ann
17 April 2007 at 17:51
bryde: the ants seem to have gone for now, but why did I just eat that choci bicci
val: lard-arse LOL… yeah that’s me
rebecca: welcome… vincent, chris, that’s what dreamings for
keshi: we’ve got so used to those darn phones… bring back the good old days when you could be left in peace and quiet
jojo; apparently sitting in front of a mirror eating; they’ll kick you out the restaurant
deb: I feel like giving up already!
16 | Diesel
17 April 2007 at 23:28
They should have a magazine like that for men: “Picking up after yourself in 3 easy steps!” Speaking of which, I need to go do some things before my wife gets home.
Get better soon. Ah-choo!
17 | GeL (Emerald Eyes)
18 April 2007 at 00:08
Oy, if all my friends complained with such grace. Hope you’re feeling MUCH better. (Hey I have a 10 yr old van…was supposed to get the other one, with the “tushie warmer”, BUTT, Gem snagged it, because the van is needed to transport artwork… (He can be too logical!)
ROFL w/ that comic about computer diet. To lose weight: treadmill and swim but not at the same time.
Or accept it and buy something elegant that you love in a colour or colours that are your colour, but this is the trick: Don’t think about the size number. It’s how it LOOKS on you! Buy it slightly larger than your normal size, like one size larger.
This is a fashion hint that I hope comes across kindly. It’s a SUPERB trick for someone of ANY size. Wearing clothes about a size larger than you need, gives anyone the appearance of being SLIMMER! (Besides, you’ll also feel more comfortable!) (See what artist blogger friends can do? 🙂
That mag is a gr8 diversion even online via your blog. Serious stuff is going down in my neck of the woods from the Virginia Tech massacre. Wishing you and yours peace and love from across our beautiful ocean.
xxoo
18 | Margie
18 April 2007 at 00:54
Hope you are feeling better Ann!
Ive missed being here.
You always have such interesting posts.
Ann, I want to thank you for all your visits to my blog, and your kind comments.
I’m taking an extended break, but will pop in to visit you now and then.
Be happy!
Margie
19 | G
18 April 2007 at 01:23
Ann, you are too funny. Yes the battle of the bulge just sneaks up on one and what with all those matzah sandwiches (I was right there with you).
I do like the idea of that computer diet – that sounds perfect. Feel better and have a good walk. xox
21 | Riccie
18 April 2007 at 13:59
Hello, Ann! I’m doing some catching up, as I seem to be doing a lot these days 🙂 As for your cell phone…hey, I understand. I washed two of them within a month. BUT. I ended up going with another mobile company and getting the PDA I’ve been wanting for hardly nothing. I LOVE my new phone…ok…I know you can’t really love an inanimate object…but, sheesh…it’s close. Unfortunately, when I washed my other phones, I lost all of my contacts. That’s been a lot of fun to reconstruct. As for dropping weight, well, I understand totally. My way to drop weight was unintentional, my tummy started giving me major problems, and I dropped a little over fifty pounds (and still counting). I wouldn’t recommend it, though. Too painful! Love ya, sweetie 🙂
22 | Candace
18 April 2007 at 14:06
Nice picture! I try to enjoy those pics without thinking about the unrealistic surroundings, but sometimes it’s hard. ^_^
I was just talking to a friend about weight loss last night. Maybe I should call it “shape-changing” to make it sound more magical. ^_^ I was lamenting the fact that when The Prawn stopped nursing and I lost some weight, the boobs were the first to go. Going to a C or B would have been OK, but even the Bs are loose now. Wah! Why couldn’t it have been my belly roll or hips or thighs??
Real Aston Martins? I might have to touch one if I saw it. I suppose they have alarms that go off if you come even close. 😛
23 | Annelisa
18 April 2007 at 15:06
((((((((((hugs!!!!)))))))))
(((((((((more hugs!))))))))
Oh, you sound so miserable, Ann… you could do with some cho…. no, maybe not 🙂
There’s a coupla things I want to say – first, stop putting yourself down! If you have a few extra pounds, notice they’re their, and promise yourself you’ll make them go away, but don’t put so much pressure on yourself! There’s nothing like the stress of pressure to make you want to eat! :-S
Like you said – walk a lot… that seems to work pretty well. Housework too… (yuk, wish I hadn’t said that one!) and, funnily enough, just cutting out one thing helps a huge lot… sugar (or fat – take your pick!)
The ant problem? I heard recently that ants don’t like to cross chalk, but haven’t had a chance to try it out yet.
Hope you feel better soon.
ps… just get a bigger size dress for the wedding – let it hang off you a bit, so everyone thinks you’ve lost weight!! 😀
24 | dana barnett
2 May 2007 at 18:52
Hey Ann,JUST came by to say hello…Your grandkids are very cute…Lillian will be three this may 23rd…I have gotten more then a few[Is she in commercals]or [she look just like the little girl on a certain H.B.O show]…[she has such a personality]!She has gotten so grown up…I wish that I had a digital camera to take and post new pics of her…Oh well soon enough.How is your day going?..About the weight prob. I have one as well…as you can see in my pics…Losing hubby/morning him…I have lost 20pounds…Also taking more walks with my best girlfriend has helped…plus being put back on the meat market/[match.com]WELL it humbled me…THey think a size 12 is huge…AS they are such pricks, anyway it just takes a long long long time and then one day 20 pounds fall off…For me this is the first time I am FINALLY getting my baby weight off!!!…
TTYL Truly Dana, ;0) P.S. FEEL BETTER SOON…!
at home with ann 
16 April 2007 at 11:48
Awe! Well first of all, I really hope you start feeling better. And second of all—STEP AWAY FROM THE GARBAGE CAN!!! DO NOT PICK UP THAT PHONE! Cut your losses and hopefully you have a protection plan with your cell service. Yuck! (Or you can get some poor soul to do it for you!) But wash that thing off!
Here’s wishing you a better Monday! (Is there such a thing???)
Cheers!