GOOD MORNING CAMPERS: MAMA’S HAVING A MOAN
Posted 16 April 2007on:
Mama doesn’ feel well, so one has to prioritise… first things first. What will cheer mama up this bright morning? Vincent sprawled out with a come hither look. That’s better. Now I know for a fact that a certain friend of mine, not a million miles away, okay about 200 miles away, lurvs this picture. Does your floor look like this? Oh please…
Said dear friend, thanks Jan, sent me this, which was sent to her by a man who got it from another man… of course. I can’t believe they had the nerve to send it to a woman… well a lady actually. Can you read the smaller print? I won’t copy the larger print; I’m sure everyone can see that.
How Do You Become Best Mates With His Mistress
Beer File: Men Who Drink More Are Better In Bed
Karin’s Story: The Fewer Shoes I Buy, The Better I Feel
Sport: All About The Offside Rule
Win Parking Lessons
Porn Voucher: Surprise Him With A Free DVD. Look Inside
I am feeling a little sorry for myself… my back’s being naughty, so I’m dosing myself up before I can leave the house. Well managed to get out last night only to return to an army of ants coming in from the patio into the living room and then marching through my kitchen. I transformed it into a winter wonderland of white and this morning I’m greeted by an ants’ graveyard… yuck! Anyone got any better tips on how to get rid of them.
Still one thing that turned out well. I lost my mobile (cell). The way to find it is to call it. I could hear it getting louder and louder as I dug deeper and deeper into a black garbage sack… another yuck… double yuck!
On top of everything, I have woken up with a streaming cold and I sound like a Disney cartoon character. All weekend I was sneezing… not a nice ladylike delicate sneeze, oh no, those sneezes that could move mountains, that shake the foundations of this house and actually make me fall off my seat. Everyone, such a loada know-it-alls, tells me to get … whatever … because I have hayfever. I have never had hayfever in my life. I have a common and garden bleary eyed runny nosed cold… aitchooo. Be right back.
Okay, just had to disinfect the monitor.
I am going to brave the elements; actually it’s a beautiful day here, and go for a long walk in the hope the exercise will loosen my joints and the air will clear my nose, after scrubbing this yucky floor.
Oh and did I say somewhere I would be delegating the job of the invitation list spreadsheet… silly me! Well I’ve done as much as I can, over one hundred names and addresses, it’s down to the other side to move their… move themselves.
Unfortunately another reason I feel sorry for myself is that because (this is my excuse and I’m sticking to it) of feeding an army… okay, my family, but it could just as easily have been an army, I ended up joining them for meals. I don’t do breakfast, but somehow I found myself eating matzah, butter and jam at each sitting. Lunchtime was another spread and of course we all sat down to a big evening meal.
I am fat. I am a bloated beached whale. I have not bought an outfit for the wedding which is in three months. Grrrrrr… Desperate times need desperate measures. Any tips on how to shed ??lbs in two weeks. Yes, double figures! I could cry. I am ashamed of myself. My thighs have taken on a life of their own, wibble wobble and women of my age cannot go around looking pregnant. My bottom is now padded… that’s fine, because it used to be tiny, but when the weight goes, that will go first, not my D cups.
My friend’s husband let slip last night that she was going to be in hospital next week and she hadn’t told us. I couldn’t believe it. I said you really are gonna have a nip and tuck and liposuction. After everyone spurted their wine all over the place, seems it’s a little minor foot surgery. Guess I was thinking about my needs… should I?
I am bad bad bad. I should have said “no” when I was invited out to dinner last night by these friends to a particularly lovely restaurant out in the countryside… and believe me it is v-e-r-y nice. The car park hosted some amazing cars… Bentleys, Aston Martins… lucky I wasn’t driving my 6 year old Focus… soon to be changed, but that’s another story!
Okay, guess I should move my lazy now fat butt and waddle out of here.
Have a good day… have a good week
Oh, one final thing and then I really will shut up. I don’t like to think I’m a blogging slut, promoting my wares. If anyone who passes by likes good poetry, there are many blogs I can recommend. However, if you like bad poetry, I was in scribbling mode over the weekend, so you may want to pop over here… or not!
NEW INTERNET DIET
‘It’s the hottest new diet!
You attach this special modem to your stomach
and upload your fat to a skinny person on the net!