at home with ann

April Already!

Posted on: 1 April 2008

this just about sums up perfect-ly the high I was on for ten perfect days; thank you Diane, thank you Brian, thank you so much for everything.

**********

I’m back and I’ve no trips planned until 22 weeks today when I go en famille to Israel for darling daughter’s nuptials… boooo hoooo!   When I say no trips planned, the thought of five months solid at home and at work with no foreseeable break sounds rather painful, so who knows what tomorrow will bring; I do like to do things on a whim rather than plan my life away 😉

Florida was fantastic… we had an ab brill time, but on this occasion we didn’t make it to Disney.  However, I am given to understand that Mr D’Onofrio wasn’t there last week either!   Gee, we do have something in common… still maybe next time!  Believe me there will be a next time, if not there then here.  I am already wondering when I can go back or when they can come here again.

Diane and Brian were the perfect hosts and took care of me beautifully.   They are great company and great friends.  Amongst lots of  wonderful trips, we met up with some fellow blogging friends of theirs and had a riot getting to know each other over a cocktail fuelled lunch overlooking the ocean on a beautiful sunny day.  Such a tough life.   It’s a hard job, but someone has to do it!

**********

I’ve noticed that because Greta Scacchi is returning to the London stage, she has been interviewed and accredited her portrayal of Hester in Terence Rattigan’s The Deep Blue Sea to the deep raw emotions caused by her and Vincent’s breakup and her inability to work for four years.   This has generated comments here and there, some I think cutting and callous.    

My ex could in no way resemble our dearest Vincent, not even through the rosiest possible tinted glasses, but he was the man I loved, the man who fathered my children and, trust me, I believe Greta and understand exactly where she is coming from.  It is totally irrelevant who or what caused their divorce; if you love someone and it is unrequited, for whatever reason, it hurts. 

What I considered to be a wonderful marriage after 25 years turned pear-shaped in 1999 and steadily went downhill from then causing heartache and pain.  By 2003 the divorce papers were signed and sealed, the final nail in the coffin that was our marriage.   It is like a death.   A marriage died.  It is a bereavement and there is a grieving process that cannot be contained.  I also couldn’t work, couldn’t function properly and was an utter waste of space.

It is now 2008 and I can honestly say it has taken me practically this long to resurrect myself, reinvent myself and venture forward into the unknown.   Well in the short space of time that I’ve joined the cattle market, aka as the internet dating game of the 2000’s, I can honestly say…  it sucks.  Whatever angst we suffered dating in our teens belongs there and should have no place in the world of a middle-aged singleton. 

The men all hold the same belief that every woman wants marriage.  So far every man I’ve  had the misfortune to meet or spoken to has said that’s actually what they want.   Well, of course they do.  As they get older they want someone to take care of them.  However, I feel myself tremble and my hands shake and beads of sweat pepper my brow when the word marriage is spouted and I know that’s not what I want at all.    I won’t deny that I do like men, good men; I love their company and that’s all that I want; no strings attached, no piece of paper where wife is a euphemism for nursemaid, etc.   Someone to share a meal, a movie, a play, a gallery, a precious moment, that would be nice… is that so much to ask? 

The guys I’ve met so far can’t even hold a door open for me, or hold a decent conversation, or hold their dirty thoughts to themselves, or hold a candle to the wonderful men I do know and like and respect; those who are loyal and loving husbands to my dear friends, their wives.  Yes, there are some great men out there, all taken.  

I am a fairly free spirited financially independent woman of a certain age with certain standards. I don’t want or need a man for financial support; I just wanted to feel desired again; I wanted to love and be loved in return… to hold and be held, but it’s been so long and I have learnt a powerful lesson.  I don’t know how to do it anymore, or how to play the game.   I have come to realise I am well and truly past my sell by date.

So…  I shall say not another word on the subject.   The matter is closed and I am going to unsubscribe my subscription.   I tried. I failed.  Now where did I put my knitting needles; I’ve got to do something with my hands!

**********  

The last time I found a vid to this ab fab song, it was TWWW… here it is to Bobby and it works just as well I think.

**********

Lotsa kissing… mmmmmmm.    I never said I’m giving up on fantasy or memories! 

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29 Responses to "April Already!"

Thank you dear Ann for visiting us. The ten days are filled with many fond memories and we eagerly await our next meeting.

For myself, I think any man that is lucky enough to hold you, or even kiss you, would have an experience beyond reason. So maybe the internet dating didn’t work out and maybe all the good ones are taken, but somewhere, somehow, you’ll find a man to fulfill your every fantasy. Maybe even a date and an interview with someone special that makes you squirm.

L&S from w

Hi: I read your post with interest. Although our circumstances are different, I am a widow of four years, I can totally relate to your internet dating experiences. I had the exact same ones. lol. Exact same sentiments and you’ve expressed them so exactly and with good humor, not something I was always able to do. (the good humor part). I quit internet dating totally, for me a waste of time. I guess the tried and true of meeting face to face will be the way it goes for me. But, I haven’t dated in well over a year, because like you I got disillusioned and turned off by the “meat market” feel. It’s a bunch of hooey and there’s too many scammers.

That said, I too have a wonderful, free, independent life, which I am thoroughly thankful for. I know the right partner will come along in the right time! Because it’s what I would truly like to enhance my life. No more takers — I’ve set my sights higher than what seems to be the norm in the dating world of being in your fifties today. So here’s to both of us. 🙂 Have a great day. Elaine

hey Ann. I was readig your blog and I feel for you. I have never been married, but I have had my heart broken by yet another man and I feel I understand. Stay in there. I’m sure someone is out there waiting for you too…

Nice to see you back Ann. 🙂

I’m sure there’s just the right man out there for you and you will probably meet up when you least expect it. I would hate to have to start dating again, please God I won’t 😦

Welcome back Ann!! I read that interview w/ Greta and my heart broke for her too. I’m sure all women can relate to that complete heartbreak and long grieving process over the end of a relationship that you thought would be “forever”.

Some of my single friends who have joined the dating websites have discontinued their memberships b/c of the weirdos and losers, so you aren’t alone. Remember, when you aren’t looking for a boyfriend, one usually comes along.

wow

you don’t know how to do it anymore-
i truly understand that concept; i live it everyday,
and i’d like to believe what jojo said, but i don’t. not sure that i ever did. i know what to do; i just don’t know how to do it and no one ever shared their secrets. i woulda killed for friends like you and the rest of the v-vixens while i was “coming of age”; women who are so open and honest.

Yeah, I forgot how to do it too. My last time was the week of the opening of the Barcelona Olympics.

But Vincent-lust keeps me going.

Welcome home. Let’s have some quality time while you’re here before you go and have TOP quality time at the wedding.

Whatever the rights or wrongs, or the reasons for their eventual break-up, which after all, are no one’s business but theirs, I wouldn’t call 2 years together, ‘unrequited’ love – Vincent always said their relationship was ‘very intense’ – they have a beautiful daughter, and are now friends; don’t forget, he went with her to the premiere of Jefferson in Paris, long after they split….but hey, I’m single, I adore him, what do I know?!

Glad you had a lovely time in Florida. On the upside, C.I. will be back on TV in the States before your next holiday swings around.

Welcome back – we missed you.

I personally think it was wrong for Miss Scacchi to publically blame Vincent D’Onofrio for “devastating her when he left her and for “ruining?” her career for four yours”

She could have said that she had a devastating love affair(naming no names) and it was these feelings that she called upon when acting in the play.

Miss Scacchi seemed to forget that Vincent D’Onofrio is the father of her daughter,Leila, and that he has been a devoted and loving father to the child. It can’t have been nice for Leila to hear her mother excoriate her father in such a manner, especially since there wan’t an opportunity that he can state his side of their affair and the reasons for the break-up.

As for ruining her career, I have watched both Miss Scacchi’s films and Mr. D’Onofrio’s films together and separately, and he is by far the more superior actor.

If Miss Scacchi’s career was unsatisfactory, then some of it may have been due to her past emotionally tepid screen performances as much as her depression over a failed love affair!

PS And I do find it more than a bit icky that she married her first cousin and had a kid with him. I think that’s gross for Leila, to have a cousin that is also her halfbrother. It’s just a bit too “dueling banjos” for me.

The last relationship I had, which is the LAST relationship I will ever have, I started to hypervintilate when the guy started talking about marriage. I’m with you…I am financially independent…so don’t “need” or want a guy in my life for that. For the longest time the only thing I have wanted is someone to have dinner with, engage in an intellectual conversation with, or go to a movie or a ball game or the theater, etc. Can’t find one of those either.

Glad you’re back safely and glad you had a good time here in the States.

Actually, most of us humans are products of first cousin marriages if you go far back enough in any genealogical research.

First cousin marriages were the norm and not the exception especially among the nobility, and in very small villages were strangers were rare and traveling either prohibited, or extremely dangerous.

The United States only began to enact a law against first cousin marriages in the early twentieth century when the Eugenics theory was prevalent. That was also the time when those epileptics, blind, deaf, mute, mentally retarded, or had any other birth defect were sterilized in many states. That nasty practice was still being done until the mid-1960’s in some states as Virginia,ect.

So, any child born of a first cousin marriage should be as healthy, normal, and intelligent as any other child as long as the family gene pool has been wide enough.

Ann: YOU DID NOT FAIL..

As far as the V&G thing…She seems happy now, He seems happy now, I think their respective kids are happy and healthy…End of story.

I have to say one more thing. (Hope you don’t mind Ann) I too find some of the comments regarding Greta a bit harsh, but more than that, the assumption that Leila will be hurt by them, I find that ridiculous. She is 16, and no doubt she has a better understanding of her parents relationship than any of us do.

When I read Greta’s comments, I don’t see anything hateful or negative toward Vincent. She loved him, for whatever reason he didn’t love her the same way, it ended…it hurt..She felt it. Maybe some of us don’t agree with the way she dealt with it, but show me One negative comment about Vincent.

Im ere through Brain .. enjoyed ur journey … Hope to read more poetry though … yet your day will sure be more poetic that scribbles on a page

Welcome home, Ann, and shalom!

Oh, hon, it sounds like you had a wonderful time!!!
You so deserve it.
And you know, good hosts make it sooo much better, because you could be in paradise, but if you have bad hosts, its a nightmare!

On the subject of dating. I can not agree more. On a side note, I almost want to blame 90% of the women from the previous generation for obviously being totally inept at raising men as MEN were supposed to be. I have been on the scene a bit too, lately, and its absolutely horrendous how today’s single men behave!!! Now I know why they are single.

Forget the knitting needles, you are too good with a pen in your hand!!
You have been missed, Ann. Welcome back!

xxx

I’m with Tess -you did not fail! Nothing wrong with maintaining high standards. Glad you had a good time stateside, welcome back.

Regarding dating, it most certainly is not you!
It’s terrific to read what a fantastic time you enjoyed in FL w/ B & D! Oh, I would have LOVED to have met you & B & D! I missed reading that blog post until now that you’re back home.

i COULD HAVE SWORN i’D LEFT A COMMENT HERE! I must be losing it.

People don’t have sell by dates my sweet lady.
I once met a newlywed couple in their 80’s. You’d have thought they’d have known better, LOL.

Blast that caps lock!

hey ann! i agree, it wasn’t you who failed. lovely to have you back;)

Dear Ann … I’m so thrilled that you had such a lovely time in Florida – whoo hoo!! As to the internet dating … I know from personal past experience how exhausting the whole mess is … but you know what they say – the moment you stop looking …. (wink, wink) Peace & love, JP/deb

Ann, this is such a powerful post. You have me almost imagining I can feel what you went through, though I know that in real life it would have been hundreds of times worse. Just the thought of it is devastating. I’m so impressed by what a strong woman you are. I was a very dependent person for a long time and have surprised myself lately by becoming more independent. I hope to become more like you as I continue to grow. 🙂

((((((((Ann)))))))))

Keep staying sassy.

Rose

xo

Ann, sounds like a wonderful trip. It seems to me that you’re enjoying life and even without these dating sites (which haven’t been doing you any favors thusfar), you’ll find someone because your exuberance attracts people.

Have a zissin Pesach – enjoy!

Ann, I bet I can guess the title of your next post: May Already!

Can we have another episode of Life with the Gorens, too, please?

What do you do when your harddrive is full?

I don’t know, but it happens all the time

What do you do when you don’t want to blog?

I don’t know, but I think you’ll agree.

I get by with a little from my friends.

I’m gonna try with a little help from my friends.

(((((((((Ann)))))))))

Love you and hope that Passover is going well and the family is fine.

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the loves of my life

at the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet ~~~ plato

thank you…

... to everyone whose pictures and videos I have borrowed; if anyone would like theirs to be removed, please tell me and I shall be happy to do so

all words here are mine ~ I’ll tell you when they’re not!

from long ago

in case I forget what day of the week it is

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