Posted 1 April 2008on:
this just about sums up perfect-ly the high I was on for ten perfect days; thank you Diane, thank you Brian, thank you so much for everything.
I’m back and I’ve no trips planned until 22 weeks today when I go en famille to Israel for darling daughter’s nuptials… boooo hoooo! When I say no trips planned, the thought of five months solid at home and at work with no foreseeable break sounds rather painful, so who knows what tomorrow will bring; I do like to do things on a whim rather than plan my life away 😉
Florida was fantastic… we had an ab brill time, but on this occasion we didn’t make it to Disney. However, I am given to understand that Mr D’Onofrio wasn’t there last week either! Gee, we do have something in common… still maybe next time! Believe me there will be a next time, if not there then here. I am already wondering when I can go back or when they can come here again.
Diane and Brian were the perfect hosts and took care of me beautifully. They are great company and great friends. Amongst lots of wonderful trips, we met up with some fellow blogging friends of theirs and had a riot getting to know each other over a cocktail fuelled lunch overlooking the ocean on a beautiful sunny day. Such a tough life. It’s a hard job, but someone has to do it!
I’ve noticed that because Greta Scacchi is returning to the London stage, she has been interviewed and accredited her portrayal of Hester in Terence Rattigan’s The Deep Blue Sea to the deep raw emotions caused by her and Vincent’s breakup and her inability to work for four years. This has generated comments here and there, some I think cutting and callous.
My ex could in no way resemble our dearest Vincent, not even through the rosiest possible tinted glasses, but he was the man I loved, the man who fathered my children and, trust me, I believe Greta and understand exactly where she is coming from. It is totally irrelevant who or what caused their divorce; if you love someone and it is unrequited, for whatever reason, it hurts.
What I considered to be a wonderful marriage after 25 years turned pear-shaped in 1999 and steadily went downhill from then causing heartache and pain. By 2003 the divorce papers were signed and sealed, the final nail in the coffin that was our marriage. It is like a death. A marriage died. It is a bereavement and there is a grieving process that cannot be contained. I also couldn’t work, couldn’t function properly and was an utter waste of space.
It is now 2008 and I can honestly say it has taken me practically this long to resurrect myself, reinvent myself and venture forward into the unknown. Well in the short space of time that I’ve joined the cattle market, aka as the internet dating game of the 2000’s, I can honestly say… it sucks. Whatever angst we suffered dating in our teens belongs there and should have no place in the world of a middle-aged singleton.
The men all hold the same belief that every woman wants marriage. So far every man I’ve had the misfortune to meet or spoken to has said that’s actually what they want. Well, of course they do. As they get older they want someone to take care of them. However, I feel myself tremble and my hands shake and beads of sweat pepper my brow when the word marriage is spouted and I know that’s not what I want at all. I won’t deny that I do like men, good men; I love their company and that’s all that I want; no strings attached, no piece of paper where wife is a euphemism for nursemaid, etc. Someone to share a meal, a movie, a play, a gallery, a precious moment, that would be nice… is that so much to ask?
The guys I’ve met so far can’t even hold a door open for me, or hold a decent conversation, or hold their dirty thoughts to themselves, or hold a candle to the wonderful men I do know and like and respect; those who are loyal and loving husbands to my dear friends, their wives. Yes, there are some great men out there, all taken.
I am a fairly free spirited financially independent woman of a certain age with certain standards. I don’t want or need a man for financial support; I just wanted to feel desired again; I wanted to love and be loved in return… to hold and be held, but it’s been so long and I have learnt a powerful lesson. I don’t know how to do it anymore, or how to play the game. I have come to realise I am well and truly past my sell by date.
So… I shall say not another word on the subject. The matter is closed and I am going to unsubscribe my subscription. I tried. I failed. Now where did I put my knitting needles; I’ve got to do something with my hands!
The last time I found a vid to this ab fab song, it was TWWW… here it is to Bobby and it works just as well I think.
Lotsa kissing… mmmmmmm. I never said I’m giving up on fantasy or memories!